you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
