she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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