you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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