I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
