While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
