Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
