Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
