smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
