Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
