I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I didn't notice because vodka
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
