she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
