Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
