let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I smell stomach acid.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
