There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
