i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
