then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
