Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
