I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Randomize
