So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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