You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
