i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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