the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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