I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
