I think my vagina is haunted
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
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