you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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