next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
