Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
