My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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