oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
