I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
