This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
