She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
