i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
