You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He felt like a one man threesome
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
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