I puked a lego.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
