I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
