So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
