And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
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Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
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I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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