I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
