i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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