God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
