At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
