speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
