Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
