help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
