The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
