I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
