Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
