she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
