I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
