So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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