saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
