ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
They are going to name an STD after you.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
