My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
