She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize