I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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