my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
