I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
