Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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