I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
