I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
