your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
