i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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