If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
