if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
