I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Someone shattered a urinal.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
