Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
