Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
