ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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