who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
