Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
