so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Randomize
