Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
