absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
