fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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