that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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