i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
